remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
