Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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