Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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