from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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