Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
