Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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