You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize