Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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