I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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