She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
