Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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