I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize