To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
