I'm gonna have a badass scar
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
