He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my liver is dry heaving
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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