My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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