He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
