While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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