shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
