She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
