my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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