between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
