Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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