yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
