I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
