Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
