The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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