we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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