Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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