Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
there is glitter all over my balls
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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