Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
