I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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