the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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