seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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