Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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