you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
