I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
