Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
