The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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