i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
