I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
