The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
