I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
