Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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