I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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