I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
