I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
