we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
