Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
