best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
