The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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