Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Someone came in the potted fern
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we're so committed to being not committed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
