fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
