well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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