I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
