I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
