The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
