Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
