you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.