The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
